188 funny eat quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Mar 31, 2026

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Mar 31, 2026

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

Mar 31, 2026

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Mar 31, 2026

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Mar 31, 2026

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Mar 31, 2026

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Mar 31, 2026

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Mar 31, 2026

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Mar 31, 2026

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Mar 30, 2026

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Mar 30, 2026

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Mar 30, 2026

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Mar 30, 2026

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Mar 30, 2026

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Mar 30, 2026

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Mar 30, 2026

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Mar 30, 2026

My mom asked me where I’m taking her to eat on Mother’s Day. I told her we have food at home.

Mar 30, 2026

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Mar 30, 2026

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Mar 30, 2026

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Mar 30, 2026

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Mar 30, 2026

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Mar 30, 2026

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Mar 30, 2026

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Mar 30, 2026

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Mar 30, 2026