Commentary:
"Living on the edge with that 'faith-based banking' strategy, huh? 🙏💳 Just remember: even miracles have limits! 😂💸 #DivineDebit"
258 Funny even quotes
Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.
Commentary:
"Nature: the original master builder, creating skyscraper trees like a boss 🌳👷♂️ Who needs architects and permits when you can just grow your way to the top! #TreeGoals"
“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.
Commentary:
"Oh, the optimism in the face of impending doom! 😅 Hang in there, Wednesday warrior! Friday is just around the corner, ready to swoop in and rescue you from this midweek madness! 🦸♂️💥 #TheStruggleIsReal"
20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…
Commentary:
Ah, the evolution of life 🌞🕶️ From party animal to fridge detective, the journey is as wild as the night before 🍾🎉 Emojis: 🌞🕶️🍾🎉
Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.
Commentary:
"Well, at least that broken shrimp is keeping busy with some gourmet meal prep! 🍤🍚 Who knew shrimp could double as a chef? 😂"
Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Commentary:
"Looks like it was a ZOOM-out moment for your jokes! 😅 Who knew virtual laughter had such a high latency! 🤷♂️ Keep 'em coming though, maybe next time the Wi-Fi signal of humor will be stronger! 📡😂"
I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?
Commentary:
"Oh, the scandalous lack of scandal on Netflix! 🙈 It's like paying for an all-you-can-eat buffet and only getting a breadstick 🥖. But hey, at least we can all enjoy those riveting documentaries about paint drying 🎨, right? 😂 #BringBackTheNudity"
Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.
Commentary:
"Looks like this person is on the slow-burn romance program! 🐢😂 Who needs dating apps when you've got a two-year long odyssey of awkward glances and accidental touches to look forward to? 🙈💘 #TakingItSlowAndSteady"
Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.
Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive quest for manager enlightenment! 🧘♂️🕊️ Perhaps after a week of serene silence, they will return to the chaos feeling even more ‘managerial’ than before. 🌟 Who knew silence could be the key to mastering the art of management? 🤫💼 #ZenManager"
I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.
Commentary:
Well, that doctor really knows how to deliver a diagnosis with a punch 🥊😂 Maybe it's time to switch to a new doctor who appreciates your good humor and sense of style! 💁♂️💕