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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,712

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Making waves on TikTok:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Trending via Slack:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Trending via Twitch:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

82 Funny free quotes

More funny free quotes 👇

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

0

2 months ago

after, cancel, cancel subscription, cold, cold weather, complaint, free, free sample, having, humor, i, sample, seasonal, seasonal complaint, subscription, weather, winter
I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

0

2 months ago

advice, complete, free, free advice, growth, here, humor, i, inspirational, inspirational quote, irony, just, life, life advice, people, personal, personal growth, self-help, train, train wreck, wreck
Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

0

2 months ago

apple, dork, free, humor, i, price, pro, technology, thanks, vision, Vision Pro, want
“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

0

2 months ago

banter, communication, email, feel, free, humor, ignore, sarcasm, workplace
I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

0

2 months ago

contradiction, fighting, free, free speech, humor, irony, mine, opinion, quiet, sarcasm, self-interest, silence, speech, yours
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

0

2 months ago

again, bag, blood, blood pressure, fit, free, handy, humor, i, irony, kit, never, once, pressure, relatable, stuff, take
I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

0

2 months ago

ask, expand, free, hate, humor, i, know, moment, someone, time, work
Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal perspective, boa, boa constrictor, constrictor, cute, expectations, free, free hug, hug, humor, irony, joke, perspective, sign, signs
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

0

2 months ago

arts, chi, combat, community, community lessons, free, humor, i, irony, lessons, martial, martial arts, muggers, self-defense, slow, tai, Tai Chi, think, too
You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

0

2 months ago

being, careful, chores, communication, free, free time, humor, know, media, next, relationship, responsibility, send, social, social media, spouse, thing, things, time, too

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All funny free quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

screenshotting people’s close friends and posting it directly to my own story.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Spotted on WeChat:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Spotted on Threads:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Going viral on YouTube:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Live now on Discord:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Trending via Discord:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Activity Log ✨

82 Funny free quotes

More funny free quotes 👇

All funny free quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨