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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Just landed via X:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Live now on Twitch:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Just landed via Discord:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Seen just now on Discord:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Making waves on Messenger:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

64 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

80 shares on Slack this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need money, not feelings.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,374

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Getting excited to go to bed is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Just landed via YouTube:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Just shared via YouTube:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Live now on TikTok:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Just shared via Telegram:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Just shared via Messenger:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Live now on Messenger:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

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