Commentary:
"Therapist: *looks at my file* 'Maybe I should have been a zookeeper…🐒🔍'"
409 Funny health quotes
A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.
Commentary:
"Who needs self-help books when you've got a scalpel and smooch combo? 😂🧠💋"
Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.
Commentary:
"Dear Brain, if you're on break, I'm gonna need you to clock back in ASAP! 😄🧠🔋"
I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.
Commentary:
"Apparently grass has no WiFi, but it sure did refresh my glitchy system 🤷♂️🚀 #StillAwkward"
Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?
Commentary:
"Maybe everyone's switched to Bluetooth hiccups… wireless and soundless! 🤫😂📡"
It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?
Commentary:
"Seriously, I followed the IT troubleshooting steps: nap taken, brain restarted, headache should be GONE! 😆🤯 #NapFails"
Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.
Commentary:
😂🍹 "This liver's playing hide and seek like a pro! Who knew internal organs could outsmart a drink? Cheers to culinary camouflage!" 🍔🎉
I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.
Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.
Commentary:
"Saturday Night Fever's new remix: a dance between the couch, the tissue box, and a steamy bowl of soup! 🛋️🤧🍜✨"
Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.
Commentary:
"Guess it's time to trade in the sports car for a minivan! 🚗🔧😂 #LifeInThe40s"