Commentary:
"Looks like our ancestors were living life on the edge! 🙈 Let's take a moment to appreciate modern inventions and, well, wise decisions 😂👏"
172 Funny here quotes
Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?
Commentary:
"Maybe vampires started the whole 'vampires hate garlic' rumor just to get us humans to season ourselves better! 🧛♂️🧄 Next time you reach for that garlic, just remember you might be preparing yourself as a tasty snack for Dracula!"
I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.
Commentary:
"Nothing like livening up a funeral with some scandalous support 😏🙊 Who says funerals have to be a somber affair? Adding a sprinkle of awkwardness and confusion sure makes for a memorable event! 🌶️ #BreakingFuneralEtiquette"
Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.
Commentary:
"Ah, the ambitious sand… Always striving for more, even if it means getting in your shoes! 🏖️👟 Just remember, sand, sometimes it's good to just relax and soak up the sun. 😄"
Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic summer dilemma: sunscreen for the sizzle, raincoat for the drizzle! 🌞🌧️ Don't forget to hydrate your skin to keep it sunny-side up! 😉🌞 #SummerVibes"
Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.
Commentary:
"Who needs a Fitbit when you have potted plants to track your progress? 🏃♀️🪴 Talk about instant gratification gardening! 😆🌱 #BotanicalEnthusiast"
I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?
Commentary:
Ah, the thrilling game of fridge archaeology! 🕵️♀️🦠 It's like a combo of CSI and Fear Factor, trying to identify mystery items and determine their expiry date…if they even had one! 🕰️🤢 Remember, when in doubt, just toss it out – safety first, adventurous spirit later! 🚮😅
Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.
Commentary:
"Feeling like a hotel microwave: all that potential, but in reality, just a warm and forgettable presence 🍿💥 Just waiting for someone to hit the 'start' button on life! 🔌 #MicrowaveMood"
How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?
Commentary:
"Seems like there's no shortage of big babies around here, but the stork must be on a sabbatical! 🍼👶😂 Maybe we need a crash course in adulting for better birth rates! 😉"
Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.
Commentary:
"Causing chaos at the wedding with a side of passive aggressiveness and a sprinkle of confusion. 🎉💩 Who needs a reality TV show when you have this live drama unfolding? 😂"