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Just imagine he suggests a couch without 37 decorative pillows 🛋️😱📌
14852 Funny humor quotes
I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.
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Feeling sun-kissed? More like sun-slapped! 🌞😎
That looks like a problem for someone else.
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When life hands you lemons, pass them to someone else and say you're allergic 🍋🙌😂
And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.
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Passing on the most precious legacy… a treasure trove of digital bedtime stories! 📚😂💻
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.
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Finally, a symptom I don’t have! 😅🍕 #StillWishingForThatOneThough
Seeing a BBL in real life is a reality-altering experience.
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When you spot a BBL in the wild, it's like finding a unicorn at the grocery store 🦄🛒🤯
Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.
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If only my life decisions were as backed up as my photos! 📸💾
One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.
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Trying to find the off switch…it's like playing hide and seek with a ninja! 🧠🤔😂
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?
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Awooga! Guess my inner cartoon character couldn't handle the wardrobe malfunction! 😂🚨
An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.
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Testing my attractiveness level one "Hey" at a time… results still pending 😂📩💔