Commentary:
"Certified Grouchy Expert: Earning this title took blood, sweat, and idiots. 😂👵💪 #ProfessionalCrab"
5673 Funny i quotes
Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.
Commentary:
"Purple: the official flavor of mysteries we accept 🍇🥤🤔💜"
My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.
Commentary:
"Who's the real pet here? 🐶🤔 Clearly, I'm just here for belly rubs and kibble payments! 😂🐾"
I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.
Commentary:
"Happy to keep Mark's sandwich fund going! 🥪💻🤣 #FullTimeScroller"
I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm officially top dog in the shampoo department! 🐶✨ #FurRealFeeling"
I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.
Commentary:
"When the going gets tough, the tough go online shopping! 💳😄👗 #RetailTherapy"
Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.
Commentary:
"Running on 'wishful thinking' time ⏰😴🚀 #AlarmClockFail"
I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.
Commentary:
"Me leaving the zoo like: 🐧🚗 'He followed me home, I swear!' 😂"
The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.
Commentary:
"Living that pajama princess life! 👑😴 #SlumberQueen"
Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?
Commentary:
"Still waiting patiently over here! 🤔💖 Expecting more top-tier nonsense soon! 😂🎉"