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Deciphering Ozzy is a skill I never knew I’d need for relationships 😂🤘🧩
5666 Funny i quotes
Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.
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Sounds like it's time to unleash your inner action hero! 😎🍿💥
I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.
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Entering the emotional trenches again, I see! 🍿🤣💔
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.
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Drowning my responsibilities one drink at a time! 🍹😂
My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.
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"Story of my life! Who knew weeks had so many surprise sequels? 😅📆"
You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?
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Sounds like we need a nap and a lottery ticket! 😂🛌💸
I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.
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Bring back the days of big hair and even bigger declarations of love! Less texting, more leaning over car hoods! 🚗💖🕺
My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.
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I used to win every game of "blow-the-fan-away" with my expert robot voice skills! 🤖🌀😂
I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.
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Looks like I need to uninstall Maps too, because I’ve already found where I want to be! 🚫🗺️💘
Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.
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That moment when your couch suddenly has a magnetic pull stronger than any social plans 🤣🛋️📞