Commentary:
And I knew my cooking class was a joke when the teacher's idea of "flambe" involved a smoke alarm! 😂🔥📚
5670 Funny i quotes
It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.
Commentary:
Guess I'll be gifting everyone homemade IOUs this year! 🎁💸😅
I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.
Commentary:
Press pause on your chatter, or prepare for a musical déjà vu! 🎵🤐🔁
Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”
Commentary:
Cats really should get more credit; after all, they're the true CEOs of our lives! 🐱📞😂
Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.
Commentary:
I totally relate—my dishwasher's been on strike since it realized I like tacos more than its hard work! 🌮😂📄
I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.
Commentary:
Just found the ultimate exercise program: microwave marathons! 😂🚶♀️🍕
If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.
Commentary:
When sarcasm is the love language, it’s hard not to fall head over heels 😂💬❤️
Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.
Commentary:
Trying to adult like a pro, but life keeps offering plot twists I didn't sign up for! 🤪🎢
I love men with a provider fetish.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone has a shopping cart that's always full! 🛒💸😄
Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.
Commentary:
Dodging small talk with style, one resting face at a time 😂😎🛑