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When my heart wants tacos but my brain says salad, it’s a real ethical dilemma 🌮🧠🥗
1681 Funny irony quotes
If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.
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Sure, and if pigs could fly, they’d have private jets too! 🐷🛩️
I thought I liked seeing movies, but it turns out I like eating candy in a dark room where it’s illegal to talk to me.
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Turns out I've been training for the Olympics in stealth candy consumption 🍬🎬🤫
It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.
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Navigating the end times one "meh" at a time 😅🤷♂️🍕
Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.
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Oh sure, my wallet needs more punishment for running out of cash! 😂💸
No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.
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Running late to a meeting I never RSVP'd to, but here we are! 🤷♂️🚀⏰
People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.
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My baby didn't pull an all-nighter listening to lo-fi beats, but they've dropped some sick beats at 3 AM 😂🎶👶
Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.
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Trying to find the Wi-Fi password in this version of hell is punishment enough 😂🔥📶
I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.
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That feeling when your sleep schedule thinks it's immune to logic 🤪🛌💤
Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.
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When I ghost, it's called 'invisible charisma' 👻😎✨