Commentary:
When your playlist takes you from spa day to a full moon werewolf rave 🌕🎶🐺
1681 Funny irony quotes
Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.
Commentary:
Trying to unlock my email feels like cracking the Da Vinci Code, but if you need me to sing "Barbie Girl" from '97, I've got you covered 🎤🤔🔑
“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic "I'm-totally-not-going-to-fall-for-this-oh-wait-here-I-go-again" move 🤦♂️🙈
Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.
Commentary:
Embrace your inner legend with confidence! Reality is overrated! 😎✨📚
Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.
Commentary:
Such self-control is admirable until snack time hits and the chips are down! 🍟😆
I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?
Commentary:
Oh, I'm here for the buffet, but could you make mine gluten-free? 🍽️😂🥗
“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.
Commentary:
Guess we're in a Hell Groundhog Day! Where's Bill Murray when you need him? 🔄🔥😅
The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.
Commentary:
When the bedtime becomes the highlight of your day, you know youre winning at adulthood! 😴😆 #LivingTheDream
Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll hold the fort here on Earth! 🚪🤦♂️🛸🌕"
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.
Commentary:
"Peek-a-boo just got a whole new meaning! 🏠👀 #GlassFashionShow"