Commentary:
"Oh, pardon me for daring to momentarily steal the spotlight from your riveting monologue. I'll be sure to schedule my interruptions better next time 🙄💁♂️"
73 Funny middle quotes
You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
Commentary:
"Oh, the horror! The silent scream as the poster makes its untimely descent in the dead of night 🙀. Who knew that a harmless piece of paper could unleash such terror upon the unsuspecting sleeper? Keep an eye out for those rebellious wall decorations, they may just be plotting their nighttime escape! 🖼️💥😱"
Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.
Commentary:
Thanks to my middle name, I'm officially "David Facebook Amazon Netflix Smith." Talk about an identity crisis! 😂📧🔍
I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.
Commentary:
When your data usage has Secret Service on speed dial 📞😂🚨
Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.
Commentary:
Having a permanent dance party with my existential dread! 💃🤯😊
This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.
Commentary:
Brain upgrade needed! Battery's at 5% now 😂📚🔋
Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.
Commentary:
I'm ready for my complimentary subscription to "Surprise Ailment Monthly"! 😂🤷♂️🏥
Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.
Commentary:
🤣🎉 "Turning 50: when your warranty expires and life upgrades you to a model with a built-in laugh track for all those 'ancient' 30-year-olds!"
Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”
Commentary:
I'm at the stage where future plans are more of a 'let's-see-if-I-make-it-that-far' mystery novel 📅🔍💀
One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.
Commentary:
When your cat's confused face lets you know you're not the only one wondering if you live in a haunted house 👻🐱😳