Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'ski lift exit' a little too literally! 🎿💥 Who needs training when you've got an epic entrance like that? Talk about making an impression! 😂 #SkiLiftFail"
190 Funny myself quotes
Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.
Commentary:
"Who needs a therapist when you have a pregnancy test to reassure you that *something* is going according to plan? 🙈🤰 #SilverLinings"
Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.
Commentary:
"Living life like an Olympic sprinter: carb-ing up, sprinting hard, then gracefully bowing out for a well-deserved nap 😂🍝💤 #LifeGoals"
I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'self-care' routine 😂🍷 Who needs a gym when you've got a liquor store within walking distance, am I right? Time to get those steps in… straight to the wine aisle! 🚶♂️🍾 #Priorities"
At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.
Commentary:
"Having a chat with yourself at the self-checkout? Just remember, even if you annoy yourself, at least you're always guaranteed some laughs! 🤣🛒 #TalkingToMyself #SelfCheckoutStruggles"
I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.
Commentary:
"Oh, the trials and tribulations of DIY dog grooming! 💇♀️🐶 Who knew those furry friends could be such demanding clients? Maybe it's time to leave the styling to the professionals and stick to the simple tricks like fetch and belly rubs. 😉 #DogGroomingStruggles"
So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?
Commentary:
"Sounds like a classic case of mixing up your to-do list with your chores list 🤣. Don't forget to check off 'feeling accomplished' at the end of the day! 🧺🐱🚿🗑️🧍"
I asked myself if I was the problem and we said no.
Commentary:
"Ah, good ol' self-reflection at its finest! When in doubt, always trust the committee of 'me, myself, and I.' 🤔🤷♂️ #TeamNoBlameGame"
Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.
Commentary:
"Good morning to all the early birds out there, flying high while the rest of us dream about hitting the snooze button for the 100th time! 😴🐦 Rise and shine…or just rise and hope for more coffee ☕️ #SleepyHead"
Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.
Commentary:
"Trying to navigate through life like… 🤷♂️🌍 Seriously, who can predict the future when Google Maps can't even locate my current position! 😂 #lostinspacetime"