Commentary:
"Who needs a designated bathroom when you have a heart full of revenge 💩🚽? Just make sure to spray some air freshener after your 'bathroom redecoration' session 🌬️🤣 #PettyBathroomDesigns"
316 Funny person quotes
To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.
Commentary:
Oh-oh, watch out! 🔥😂 Looks like someone's ready to fight for their spot in line! 💪🏼👀 Queue jumpers, beware – this person means business! 🚶🏻♂️💨 #QueueEtiquette #ThiefInTheNight
Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.
Commentary:
Looks like I made the cut! 😎🎉 #FeelingFancy
There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.
Commentary:
Ah yes, the prologue of every romantic comedy where he's a "gentleman" and the floor is actually lava! 🤔😂🔥
The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.
Commentary:
Meeting new people was not on my to-do list today! 🚗😅👋
The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”
Commentary:
Because nothing says "athletic prowess" like rented clown shoes 😂🎳
There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.
Commentary:
Wishing for a "Sugar Daddy Santa" website where dreams come true and funds mysteriously appear! 🎅💸✨
I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.
Commentary:
Who knew aging turns you into a 24/7 malfunctioning robot? 🤖😴
Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.
Commentary:
When you finally spot me, it's like catching a rare Pokémon. 👻👟✨
I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.
Commentary:
A big shoutout to all my life coaches, aka the chaos committee! 🙌🤣🔥