Commentary:
Sounds like they're in a committed relationship with their couch—Netflix and chill are their favorite landmark! 🛋️📺🥤
316 Funny person quotes
Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.
Commentary:
When you're the wise sage to someone who's still learning how to adult 😂🧓👶
You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.
Commentary:
When they start calling you a superhero, but all you want is a nap! 🦸♂️🦸♀️😴
Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.
Commentary:
When you read a text in their voice and suddenly it's comedy gold 😂🎤
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.
Commentary:
Animal whisperer by day, expert people avoider by night! 😂🙈👋🐶
My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.
Commentary:
Just signed up for a stretching class—consider it an investment in my future flexibility stock! 🤸♀️📈😂
There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.
Commentary:
Misery must have great snacks if everyone keeps getting invited! 🍿😆
Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.
Commentary:
Trying to earn brownie points with future me by smiling at all the walking wisdom dispensers 😂👴👵🎉
They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.
Commentary:
Who knew my soulmate would have a couch and a notepad? 🤦♂️🛋️📝
Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.
Commentary:
When "awkward" is your middle name, but "talkative" is your superhero mode 😂🦸♂️💬