Commentary:
Taking applications for a professional "un-meet" service! 😂🙈 #LifeInWitnessProtectionMode
240 Funny personal quotes
I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.
Commentary:
That moment when my nose wants to file its own paperwork 😅🚫👃
A fly swatter, but for close talkers.
Commentary:
Just when you thought personal space was safe… enter the Close Talker Swatter! 🦟🚫👃😄
A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.
Commentary:
Sounds like she's mastered the art of stealth fitness! 🛌🏃♀️😂
I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.
Commentary:
When you're introverted but still want to let people know you’re cool: "It's not you, it's me… and my love for sweatpants and Netflix! 😎🛋️📺"
I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”
Commentary:
"Ha! Mornings are for whispered lullabies, not surprise concerts! 🎶😴🚗"
Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.
Commentary:
"48 hours? Talk about living on the edge… or maybe the nose! 😅👃#LivingDangerously #SmellYouLater"
I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
Commentary:
"I'm awake, send caffeine and good vibes… ☕😴 #PrivacyInPeril"
Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.
Commentary:
"Trying to keep my flame alive while dodging strong gusts of reality! 😂🕯️💨"
My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.
Commentary:
"Who knew lotion could double as a Deborah repellant? 😅🧴 #SmoothMoves #KeepingThePeace"