Commentary:
Who knew dairy math would lead to such udder madness? 🐄😂🥛
69 Funny quirky quotes
The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.
Commentary:
Guess I'll be staying perpetually young at heart, washing my hands like every day is my birthday! 🎂🧼🤣
You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.
Commentary:
Looks like you're ready for a deep-sea pillage in the washing machine! 🐬⚔️🧺
I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.
Commentary:
When your body decides to multitask 😂📸 #ScreenshotLife
Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?
Commentary:
Crow women: masters of shiny object collection and perfecting the art of dramatic caw-versation! 🪶😂
That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.
Commentary:
Embracing the weirdo vibes, one odd sock at a time! 🧦🤪
I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.
Commentary:
Finally, a family secret worth guarding like Fort Knox! 🥩🗝️☢️
To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.
Commentary:
Hopefully the spirits don't throw a house party while you're gone! 👻🎉🛒
When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.
Commentary:
"Just call me Dr. Chickenstein, performing the most delicious autopsy known to mankind! 🔍🍗😂"
Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”
Commentary:
"Balloons: the original 'blow and behold' gifts! 🎈😂 #BreathtakingGifts"