Commentary:
Oh dear, did my telepathic carrier pigeon get lost en route to your brain? 🧐🕊️ Don't worry, I've upgraded to sending messages via psychic owls now. 🦉 Hopefully, they'll reach you in time for our next séance! 🔮😄
Commentary:
"Who needs a designated panic room when you've got me around – turning any room into a panic room in just seconds! 💥😱 Just add a dash of chaos and a sprinkle of my presence, and voilà – instant panic mode activated! 🚨😅"
Commentary:
🚓 Police officer: please step out of your vehicle.
🤣 Me: after this song, hold on.
🎶 *Busts out dance moves inside the car* 😄🚗
Commentary:
"Oh, the art of pretending gone wrong! 🙈 Texting back can be such a perilous endeavor, with great power comes great forgetfulness! 💬🚫 #SorryNotSorry"
Commentary:
Them: Good morning! ☀️
Me: Where? 🤔 Probably still lost in yesterday's dreams! 😴
Commentary:
"Who needs quick replies when you can perfect the art of procrastination and self-inflicted stress? 💌⏰😅 #ProcrastinationGameStrong"
Commentary:
"When they ask 'how was your weekend?' just reply 'better than yours' with a wink 😉 and hold that eye contact like a boss! 😎 Who needs modesty when you've got sass, right? 🤷♂️"
Commentary:
"Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. I said '30 minutes' and realized that wasn't the right answer… unless they mean how long it takes me to pick one out! 🍷⏳😂"
Commentary:
Job interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" 🤔
Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening." 😂👂 Sounds like I have plenty of room for personal growth!
Commentary:
"Mastering the art of passive-aggressiveness with just two words: 'wow ok' 💁♂️📧 #EmailEtiquette"