Commentary:
🏠💰 "Landlord: I’m raising your rent.
Me: Cool, so is the house getting taller, wider, or just more sarcastic?" 😂🔑
82 Funny response quotes
Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'make everyone mad and see who sticks around' strategy! 😅🔥 #NotRecommended"
“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!
In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old job interview strategy: when in doubt, just channel your inner Jerry Maguire and profess your undying love for the interviewer. Who needs qualifications when you have romance on your side, right?"
You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.
Commentary:
🤣 "When you decline that drink like a boss and suddenly everyone is questioning your life choices! Who knew sobriety could be in such high demand? It's like you just declined a winning lottery ticket! 💰 Cheers to being a party pooper, I mean, responsible adult! 🥤 #LifeChoices"
Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.
Commentary:
"Person: *showering me with compliments* Me: Hold on, let me just sprinkle a little reality on this 🌧️💁♂️ #HumbleBragging"
Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.
Commentary:
🌋 Sorry I missed your call! 🔥 I saw your name popping up and thought, "Better make a sacrifice to the volcano gods!" 📵 Hope my phone call to Mother Nature was worth it! 🤣 #VolcanoLife
Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”
Commentary:
"Next time someone questions if your dog is adopted, hit 'em with that 'biologically mine' sass! 🐾 Don't mess with the paw-sonalities in this pack! 🤣 #FurReal #DoggyDNA"
I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.
Commentary:
"Age is just a number, but 'any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am' is a lifestyle choice! 😂⏰ Embracing that early riser energy like a pro! 🌅 #MorningPersonGoals"
Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: adding a touch of historical flair to your work emails just might earn you a promotion, or at the very least, confuse your colleagues in the best way possible. 🤓💼 #WorkplaceRevolution"