Commentary:
Putting the sexy in spectacles—watch out, things are about to get blurry! 🤓🔥🚫
77 Funny safety quotes
A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Commentary:
Sidewalks: the unsung heroes of every stumble! 🚶♂️😂🌟
Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.
Commentary:
Playing it safe, as long as you're not number six! 🎱😂🔫
That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.
Commentary:
Here's to that friend who thinks "expiration dates" are just "mild suggestions." 😂🥴🧀
Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Commentary:
Sure, let me just grab my invisible hitchhiker vest before answering 🤔📞🚗
You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.
Commentary:
Well, I guess that explains why my flight plan was more flop than soar! 🦸♂️🛑✈️
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.
Commentary:
Life jackets accepting contactless payments now? Hope they have a good rewards program! 😂💳✈️
Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.
Commentary:
Guess even the aliens have trust issues with our parking skills! 🚀🔑😂
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.
Commentary:
"Next, they’ll add social media notifications to the road signs! 🙈🚗💥"