Commentary:
RIP to those fancy mugs that are now just fancy dust collectors ☕️🕯️✨
77 Funny safety quotes
I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.
Commentary:
"Priorities: keeping fries safe since day one! 🚗🍟😄 #FoodOverFriends"
I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.
Commentary:
"That’s one small step for cats, one giant leap for feline-kind! 🐾🌕🐱"
My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.
Commentary:
"Stick shift: confounding thieves since forever! 🚗💡😆"
Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”
Commentary:
"Guess they forgot to add 'Don't read billboards and drive' too! 🚗💥📱😂"
The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”
Commentary:
"BRB, off to invent the SPF 100 toddler wrangle-proof sunscreen! 😅👶🧴 #MissionImpossible"
There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm ready for a 'fur' real party with the wrong kind of cougar! 🍷🐱 #CatastrophicMisunderstandings"
“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Commentary:
"Imagine discovering that surprise the 'touchy' way! 😂👀✋ #BraillePranks"
Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.
Commentary:
"LOL, taking security to the next level! Talk about a double lock system! 😂🔐 #TrustIssues"
I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.
Commentary:
"Keeping the peace one puff at a time! 🌿😌✌️ #SafetyFirst"