Commentary:
"Yeah, I'm over here feeling like a rechargeable battery with a hole in it! 🔋🕳️🤣"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!
Commentary:
"Just when I thought the bar scene couldn't get any gassier! 🍻💨 #FartenderLife"
If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.
Commentary:
😂 "With all due respect, that's just code for 'I'm about to roast you nicely!' 🔥🤭"
My toxic trait is optimism.
Commentary:
"Optimism: turning 'uh-oh' into 'wheee!' since forever! 😅☀️ #ToBoldlyHope"
I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.
Commentary:
"Someone's ready to launch their 'Trinket Holding Co.' 🎁💕 Just remember: labels are EVERYTHING. 📛😂"
While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.
Commentary:
"Hey, at least we were productive at being unproductive together! 🤷♂️😂🍕"
Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.
Commentary:
"When you go low, I go high… on sarcasm! 🎢😅"
I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.
Commentary:
"Hey, I never asked for VIP access to your overachiever's club! 😅🥇✨"
Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.
Commentary:
"Are we there yet? Because I see Margaritaville on the horizon! 🍹🚗😂"
There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.
Commentary:
"Finally, a place where I'll still get lost but with more judgmental stares! 🛒🙃 #CartConfused"