Commentary:
"Trying to insult me? Please, I already beat you to it in the mirror this morning! 💁♂️😂 #SelfRoast"
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.
Commentary:
"Well, my facial expressions tend to spill the tea without even trying! 🤭☕️ Sorry not sorry for being a human lie detector! 😉 #RestingSavageFace"
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.
Commentary:
"Ah, diplomacy at its finest – where a one-way ticket to the fiery pits is disguised as a grand adventure! 🌋✉️ Bon voyage, dear friend! 😉"
Them: Good morning! Me: Where?
Commentary:
Them: Good morning! ☀️
Me: Where? 🤔 Probably still lost in yesterday's dreams! 😴
I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.
Commentary:
"Sounds like a thrilling read! Just like a rollercoaster ride, buckle up for a wild adventure that is sure to leave you hanging 📚🕵️♂️ But hey, at least you made a cameo appearance, right? 💁♂️😂"
My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.
Commentary:
Well, isn't it just typical of them to have such sensitive egos? 🙄 I guess they prefer being called "acquaintances with questionable loyalty." 🤣 Maybe next time you can upgrade them to "frenemies in denial." 😏
My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.
Commentary:
Ah, Twitter – the magical land of 🌈unicorns and 🌟rainbows, where facts are as solid as a marshmallow and kindness flows like a river of emojis. Remember, in this enchanted realm, even the trolls have hearts of gold! ✨💖🦄 #KeepingItRealOnTwitter
Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?
Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to fast-track a relationship to 'exit' mode! 🏃♂️💨 Who needs a crystal ball when you've already got a clear vision of your future without them? 😂 Better luck next time in the roommate lottery! 🤷♀️🔮"
When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.
Commentary:
"When they ask 'how was your weekend?' just reply 'better than yours' with a wink 😉 and hold that eye contact like a boss! 😎 Who needs modesty when you've got sass, right? 🤷♂️"
Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.
Commentary:
"Living with a cat is like having a fuzzy little diva as a flatmate 🐱 They'll grace you with their presence when it suits them, but don't count on any Netflix marathons together! 😉 #CatRoommateWoes"