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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Spell your crush’s name backwards, mine is yenom.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

Trending via Reddit:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Live now on Pinterest:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Going viral on Discord:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Making waves on Discord:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

36 Funny scream quotes

More funny scream quotes 👇

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

3 months ago

abyss, busy, busy signal, communication, existential, frustration, humor, i, irony, scream, signal, today
This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

3 months ago

comfort, expression, going, humor, pillow, relatable, scream, sleep
Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

3 months ago

activity, danger, die, drive, every, humor, let, me, relationship, road, road trip, scream, time, trip
Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

3 months ago

abyss, comedy, contact, customer, customer service, dark, dark comedy, existential, humor, important, scream, service, thank, thank you
Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

3 months ago

cicada, humor, i, insects, mind, nature, scream, sound, summer
Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

3 months ago

alarm, dust, early, humor, kid, me, needs, parenting, scream, today, wake, wake up

For even more funny scream quotes, hit next 👇

All funny scream quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Instagram this month:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Shared recently on Discord:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Going viral on Instagram:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Making waves on YouTube:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Trending via YouTube:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Just landed via Instagram:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Making waves on Instagram:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

36 Funny scream quotes

More funny scream quotes 👇

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

All funny scream quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨