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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,504

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Trending via Facebook:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Making waves on Instagram:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Trending via Telegram:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Just shared via X:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Live now on Telegram:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Trending via Twitch:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

178 Funny self-care quotes

More funny self-care quotes 👇

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

3 weeks ago

bed, bedtime, canceling, canceling date, cancelling, care, date, early, early night, humor, i, night, order, pizza, relaxation, self, self-care
If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

3 weeks ago

getting, humor, indulgence, motivation, self-care, spoil, spoiled, treat yourself, yourself
Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

3 weeks ago

couple, decades, give, heal, healing, humor, long wait, patience, recovery, self-care, should, time, wait, yourself
Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

3 weeks ago

adulting, health, humor, life, mental, mental health, mystery, self-care, session, therapy, time
I need a day off from myself.

3 weeks ago

break, care, day, day off, humor, i, myself, need, relaxation, self, self-care
Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

3 weeks ago

advice, care, day, day off, days, humor, job, jobs, self, self-care, take, work
Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

3 weeks ago

birthday, birthday wish, born, buying, celebration, gift, humor, i, myself, nice, personal, personal treat, self-care, shopping, something, today, treat, wish
I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

3 weeks ago

active, avoidance, humor, mindset, peace, procrastination, relaxation, self-care, through

For even more funny self-care quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on YouTube this month:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

67 shares on Discord this month:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Spotted on X:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Spotted on Messenger:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Freshly posted on X:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Spotted on Messenger:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Activity Log ✨

178 Funny self-care quotes

More funny self-care quotes 👇

All funny self-care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨