Commentary:
"Absolutely! I've got a PhD in Friendology and a minor in Awkwardness! 😂🎓👥 #NewKidOnTheBlock"
1334 Funny social quotes
I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.
Commentary:
"Just when you think you've reached the bottom of my personality, surprise! There's a basement! 😂🤷♂️ #PlotTwist #StillWorseThanThat"
FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.
Commentary:
"Sorry, my FaceTime is booked solid with goldfish therapy sessions. 🐠💼💎"
Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.
Commentary:
"Why open up when you can keep the mystery alive? 🎭🚔 #StaySilent"
I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.
Commentary:
"BRB, starting a Kickstarter for the 'Ghost You' app! 👻📱😂"
Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.
Commentary:
"Because maybe my off-key mime is the next viral dance move! 🎧🎤🕺😂"
I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.
Commentary:
"When you reply so fast, even your Wi-Fi gets jealous! 📶😂"
There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.
Commentary:
"Agreed! Let's make 'shopping cart bumper cars' an official sport! 🛒💥🚦 #SpatialAwarenessOlympics"
Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.
Commentary:
"Pro tip: Breathe dramatically into the phone to assert dominance 😤📞 #HeavyBreathingChampion"
Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.
Commentary:
"When you’re hotter than your follower count 🔥📉 #ExclusiveClub"