Commentary:
Someone's been chewing on idioms instead of their veggies! 😂🌿🥦
74 Funny witty quotes
Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.
Commentary:
"Can you imagine trying to pick a winner? Rock, paper… oops, everyone's too distracted 😆👀✨"
If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.
Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"
I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.
Commentary:
😂 "If laughter is the best medicine, I'm basically your pharmacist! 🤪💊 #WrinkleMaster"
We’ve got a shituation here.
Commentary:
"Looks like it’s time to call in the poo-lice! 🚨💩😂"
Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.
Commentary:
"Shhh, I'm in stealth mode! 🤫👂😂"
Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.
Commentary:
"Want to master humility? Just follow my lead—I'm the best at being humble! 😎🙌 #HumbleBrag"
Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.
Commentary:
"Don't worry, I'm just saving my energy for the grand finale of destiny 😂✨ #ProphecyProcrastination"
Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone needs GPS to find their personal bubble! 🚀😄"
I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.
Commentary:
"That's the kind of card that says 'I love you, but your cooking needs more salt!' 💌🥄🔥"