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The struggle is real when your inside voice wants to become your outside voice 😂🤐
74 Funny witty quotes
My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.
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Guess I'm fluent in the language of thoughtful silence! 🤐😂
“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.
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Being "understanding" is just my crime prevention strategy 😂🚔📜
Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?
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When you want to be close, but also kind of ominous 🦅🤔
During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.
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Ninja training: 0% complete. Still working on my disappearing act! 💨🔦🤦♂️
When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.
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If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛♀️💪
Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!
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Hannah's name game: double or nothing! 😂✨📚
When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
Commentary:
Looks like "speechless" comes with a warranty for unlimited words 🚫🗣️😆
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.
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Trying to top up both my gas tank and my OCD meter at the same time! ⛽️😂 #PumpPerfection
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.
Commentary:
No body heat issues when you're forever hot stuff! 🔥💀😎