Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Making waves on TikTok:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Just landed via Instagram:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When he's a solid 10 but makes your appendix look like it's having a party 🎉😅

compliment, humor, joke, pain, rating, scale

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

0

2 months ago

accept, acceptance, comparison, cooky, days, family, fight, grandma, humor, i, just, protest, technology, website
Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

0

2 months ago

branding, going, humor, i, identity, life, nostalgia, personal, personal branding, signature, teenager, through
The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

0

2 months ago

comedy, difference, good, heavy, hippo, humor, joke, lighter, little, night, punchline, thank, wordplay, zippo
If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

0

2 months ago

assertiveness, comma, control, grammar, humor, i, punctuation, put, want, writing
Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoyed, driving, gasp, humor, husband, marriage, over, relationship, super, where, while
A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

0

7 days ago

audiobook, chore, chores, entertainment, good, humor, multitasking, procrastination

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

18 shares on X this month:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

45 shares on Slack this month:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Shared recently on Threads:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Going viral on WeChat:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Just shared via Instagram:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Spotted on Threads:

This whole week could have been an email.

Making waves on X:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨