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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Just landed via Twitch:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Seen just now on Slack:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Trending via Messenger:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Shared recently on Threads:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Breaking via Pinterest:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Trending via Messenger:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about admitting to drinking as a mood booster.

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Commentary:
Drowning my responsibilities one drink at a time! 🍹😂

casual, casual conversation, conversation, drinking, drunk, getting, humor, i, just, me, self-reflection

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on X this month:

My superpower is keeping this couch cushion warm.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Trending via Slack:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Seen just now on TikTok:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Going viral on Reddit:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Just landed via X:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Trending via Telegram:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

Freshly posted on X:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

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Activity Log ✨

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨