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Commentary:
"Who said burglars can't be considerate houseguests? 😅 Keeping your valuables by the front door – just in case your uninvited midnight visitors need a quick exit strategy! 🚪💰 #Priorities"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

2 months ago

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You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, always, clock, complaints, face, humor, morning, perspective, put, relatable, thing, yourself
Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

2 months ago

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You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

2 months ago

choice, humor, learn, marriage, married, marry, regret, relationship, someone
If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

6 months ago

beyond, humor, influence, influencer, influencers, insult, media, opinion, satire, social, social media
Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

6 months ago

crossing, humor, i, joke, just, list, list management, management, motivation, procrastination, productivity, task, things, to-do, to-do list, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

56 shares on X this month:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

29 shares on Discord this month:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

66 shares on Threads this month:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Trending via Threads:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Trending via Discord:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨