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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,483

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Just shared via Slack:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Going bananas on Instagram:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Live now on Reddit:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Live now on Discord:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

Just shared via Slack:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Iced coffee: the self-care elixir that keeps me hydrated and hyper-caffeinated! ☕️💧😄

coffee, drink, humor, hydration, i, iced, iced coffee, love, myself, self-care, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

0

2 months ago

better, death, different, even, everyone, God, gods, hubris, humor, irony, killed, maybe, superiority
This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

0

2 months ago

boredom, frustration, humor, meeting, museum, office, painting, sarcasm, satire
I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

0

2 months ago

actually, body, ever, friendship, help, hide, hope, humor, i, irony, need, people, vow
The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

0

2 months ago

always, appreciation, art, bench, humor, i, most, museum, painting, paintings, relaxation
Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

0

2 months ago

aging, bat, fun, getting, hanging, humor, morning, neck, neck pain, old, pain, sleep, upside, wake
The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

0

2 months ago

40, authentic, authenticity, bulldoze, cafe, destruction, dining, dining experience, enough, experience, humor, me, rainforest, rainforest cafe, restaurant, sarcasm, while

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Slack this month:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

54 shares on Threads this month:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Making waves on Facebook:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Just landed via Slack:

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

Shared recently on Threads:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Just landed via Instagram:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Making waves on X:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨