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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Just shared via Reddit:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Breaking via X:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Going viral on Messenger:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Spotted on Twitch:

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Just shared via WeChat:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Iced coffee: the self-care elixir that keeps me hydrated and hyper-caffeinated! ☕️💧😄

coffee, drink, humor, hydration, i, iced, iced coffee, love, myself, self-care, wellness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

0

2 months ago

6am, 9pm, after, age, am, answered, humorous, i, late, late night, night, old, response, sleep, text
I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad news, broken, broken machine, cream, denial, denied, ever, humor, i, ice, ice cream, job, machine, McDonald’s, news, people, told, ugly, used, work
I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

0

2 months ago

always, am, confirm, confirmation, door, doors, dumb, humor, i, pull, push, self-deprecation, three, times
I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

0

2 months ago

bananas, culture, forget, gwen, Gwen Stefani, humor, i, joke, memory, music, never, pop, pop culture, spell, spelling, stefani, thanks
People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

0

2 months ago

dog, dogs, exercise, humor, laziness, people, pet, picked, skateboard, teaching, training, vet, walk
I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

0

2 months ago

born, finance, hate, humor, i, joke, managing, money, spending, splurge

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

42 shares on Discord this month:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Spotted on WeChat:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Going viral on X:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Trending via Messenger:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨