I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

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I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

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My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

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I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

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Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

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I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

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Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

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The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

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Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

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Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

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Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.