Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,731

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Spotted on Threads:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Just shared via TikTok:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Seen just now on Discord:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Breaking via X:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Spotted on WeChat:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Just shared via X:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

2 months ago

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Enjoying that premium silent service experience! 🤫🚗😄

awkward, awkward moment, both, conversation, driver, full, hell, humor, i, love, moment, passenger, quiet, ride, shut, silence, transportation, Uber

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86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

20 shares on X this month:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

69 shares on X this month:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Making waves on Telegram:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Just shared via Telegram:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Shared recently on WeChat:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Trending via Pinterest:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Making waves on Telegram:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Freshly posted on X:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

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Activity Log ✨

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Keep the laugh going 😂

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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