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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Just landed via TikTok:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Going bananas on Messenger:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Trending via Instagram:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Making waves on Slack:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Going viral on Twitch:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Trending via Pinterest:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Breaking via YouTube:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Just shared via X:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Time travel to Friday: where my weekend choices can't roast me! 😂🔄⏳

back, differently, Friday, humor, i, need, procrastination, thinking, time, time travel, travel, want, weekend, wishful, wishful thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

0

2 months ago

age, authority, disappointment, dude, expectations, figure, humor, i, know, life, live, nothing, older, prison, relationships, saying, sting, tell
I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

0

2 months ago

food, food humor, head, humor, i, ketchup, love, pun, t, tomato, wordplay
Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

0

4 weeks ago

asking, cyber, Cyber Monday, deal, deals, humor, landlord, Monday, negotiation, rent, shopping
Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

0

2 months ago

again, allergy, friend, hello, humor, nose, old, pollen, running, sneeze, spring
Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

0

2 months ago

activity, calorie, cooking, cooking humor, detector, dinner, every, exercise, fun, fun activity, homemade, humor, negative, negative calorie, pillow, smoke, smoke detector
Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

0

3 months ago

anatomy, body, fear, humor, ID, muscle, muscular, muscular system, room, scared, scary, skeleton, system

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on X this month:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

10 shares on X this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Spotted on Instagram:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Going bananas on X:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Going viral on Telegram:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Spotted on Messenger:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Spotted on Threads:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Just shared via TikTok:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Going viral on Reddit:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨