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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,333

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Going viral on WeChat:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Breaking via Threads:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Going viral on TikTok:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Live now on WeChat:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Just shared via Twitch:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

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If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.
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Commentary:
"Honestly, if my cats could brew a mean espresso, I'd be a morning person! ☕🐱😴"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

58 shares on Threads this month:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,655

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

Seen just now on Reddit:

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Just landed via Threads:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Live now on Threads:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Just shared via X:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Seen just now on Threads:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

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