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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Just landed via Instagram:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Shared recently on Threads:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Making waves on Discord:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Making waves on Instagram:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Hey, if you're feeling the heat, just remember, you're keeping me cool! 😎🔥 Stay chill, my friends! ❄️ #CoolerThanYou"

comparison, confidence, cooler, hotter, humor, me, means, self-esteem, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

0

2 months ago

bag, chips, food, food joke, humor, i, joke, obsession, open, potato, potato chips, snack, snack obsession, tear, tearing, tearing open, third, vegetables
Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

0

2 months ago

always, dumb, freaky, humor, i, incognito, incognito mode, internet, looking, me, mode, obvious, privacy, question, questions, record, search, shit, why
Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

0

2 months ago

advice, bed, death, death bed, expression, feel, feelings, finger, humor, know, let, life, life advice, middle, middle finger, raise, regret, too, wait
Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

0

2 months ago

aging, getting, getting older, humor, moan, older, sexy
The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

0

2 months ago

boss, Christmas, employee, even, humor, never, party, Pope, religion, workplace
Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

0

3 months ago

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on TikTok this month:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

11 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Going viral on TikTok:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Just shared via Pinterest:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Trending via WeChat:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Making waves on Messenger:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Going viral on Instagram:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨