I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

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I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

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Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

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Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

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Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

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In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

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If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

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If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.