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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Just shared via YouTube:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Shared recently on Threads:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Trending via Instagram:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Spotted on Facebook:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Just shared via Twitch:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

2 months ago

0

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Picture this: every elevator ride turning into a secret agent mission! 🕵️‍♂️🎶 Suddenly, the daily grind feels like an action blockbuster. Who needs Hollywood when your building's got the soundtrack for stealth mode? 🚀🎬😂

culture, daily, daily life, elevator, entertainment, every, funny scenario, humor, imagination, imagine, impossible, joke, life, mission, Mission Impossible, played, pop, pop culture, scenario, theme, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

0

2 weeks ago

co-worker, conversation, coworker, here, humor, me, sarcasm, unapproachable, workplace
I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

0

2 months ago

adult, being, humor, i, joke, life, responsibility, sarcasm, stepping, stepping down, thank, tired
But that was my emotional support daylight.

0

2 months ago

daylight, emotional, emotional support, humor, light, support
Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

0

6 months ago

courage, fear, humor, mindset, nothing, once, positivity, situation
lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, internet, internet slang, laugh, lol, loud, punctuation, slang, texting
Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, deserved, dressed, face, getting, getting dressed, humor, i, morning, myself, punch, say, self-deprecation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

33 shares on Slack this month:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is awful in their own special way.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Spotted on YouTube:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Trending via Snapchat:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Just shared via Facebook:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cool times create cool guys.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Spotted on Telegram:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

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