It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

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You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

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Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

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The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

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Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

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I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

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Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

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Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

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If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

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I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

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What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?