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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Going bananas on X:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Just landed via X:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Going viral on Instagram:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Trending via Discord:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Making waves on YouTube:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Spotted on Instagram:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Spotted on Telegram:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about insomnia and overthinking, playful and witty in tone.

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Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a highly detailed nighttime drama series running in your head! 🌙🛌📚

anxiety, detail, every, got, great, humor, i, insomnia, know, middle, night, overthinking, problem, problems, review, sleep, wake, worry

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

61 shares on X this month:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

What is it called when you’re smart but everything you do is freaking stupid?

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

42 shares on X this month:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Spotted on WeChat:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Trending via Telegram:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Trending via Instagram:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Shared recently on X:

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Seen just now on Slack:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Spotted on Telegram:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

If A-B-C-D didn’t take their sweet time in the alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to sprint every time.

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨