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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Spotted on Telegram:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Making waves on Twitch:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Live now on Slack:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Going viral on X:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Seen just now on Threads:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

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January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.
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Commentary:
Guess I'm starring in my own plot twist movie this year! 🍿🎬😄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

25 shares on Discord this month:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Live now on LinkedIn:

This weekend was so busy, I hardly had time to sit around in my pajamas and doom scroll.

Shared recently on TikTok:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Spotted on Telegram:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Trending via Reddit:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Just shared via Slack:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

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