Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Live now on Snapchat:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Spotted on Twitch:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Just landed via Messenger:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

Seen just now on Reddit:

You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Feeling prehistoric, but still roaring! 🦖🦕 Just call me 'Grandasaurus Rex'! 👴🤣"

age, ago, came, decades, feel, fossil, humor, i, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, nostalgia, park

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30 shares on Facebook this month:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

86 shares on Discord this month:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Seen just now on Twitch:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Breaking via Discord:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love having plans to cancel.

Just shared via Reddit:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Just landed via Messenger:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Just landed via Reddit:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨