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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Seen just now on Facebook:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Just landed via Reddit:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Making waves on Instagram:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

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Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.
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Commentary:
Sounds like your walk was an enlightening journey to the center of the universe! 😄🚶‍♂️🧠✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

89 shares on X this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just needed help getting out of my skinny jeans.

95 shares on X this month:

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Making waves on X:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Shared recently on Messenger:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Going viral on Discord:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Going viral on X:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

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