Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Just shared via Slack:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Going viral on YouTube:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Going viral on TikTok:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Just landed via Reddit:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess it's time for both of us to break out the cool sweaters! 😎🧥❄️

around, comparison, cool, cooler, getting, here, humor, me, season, temperature, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

0

2 months ago

beat, health, humor, i, irony, joke, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, together
Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

0

2 weeks ago

cost, flight, JetBlue, Miami, NYC, price, ride, ride share, rides, same, share, transportation, travel, travel cost, Uber
The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

0

2 months ago

cake, eat, fitness, food, harder, humor, kidnap, safe, safety, stay, weigh, weight
The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

best, humor, mindset, Monday, motivation, pretend, procrastination, through, Tuesday, workweek
Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

0

2 months ago

activity, bad, bed, break, breaking, Breaking Bad, couple, date, fun, fun activity, humor, idea, watch
My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, humor, husband, relationship, shop, work, workshop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

89 shares on Threads this month:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Live now on Twitch:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Just landed via Telegram:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Trending via Reddit:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Spreading quickly via X:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨