My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.