Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Making waves on Instagram:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Just landed via WeChat:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Spotted on Instagram:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Live now on Twitch:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Just landed via WeChat:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Feeling a bit backed up on worries now, aren't we? 😂💩🩺

anxiety, constipation, diagnosis, doctor, humor, joke, just, me, medical, medical joke, wordplay, worry

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

0

2 months ago

bad, friend, glasses, Greg, humor, i, investigative, investigative journalist, journalist, lane, lois, Lois Lane, lunch, recognition, saying, time, wear, work, yesterday
I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

0

2 months ago

brand, consumerism, humor, loyal, loyalty, sale, shopping, whatever
I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, connection, free, funny idea, gravestone, humor, idea, me, people, social, social connection, technology, visit, wifi
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

0

5 months ago

ask, communication, conversation, dating, humor, irony, men, met, never, personality, question, questions, relationship, say, yourself, zero
The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

0

3 months ago

70s, 80s, 90s, best, decade, decades, evidence, humor, memory, nostalgia
They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

0

2 months ago

comedy, genius, humor, intelligence, learn, learning, making, mistake, mistakes, sarcasm, say, self-deprecating, soon, why, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

42 shares on X this month:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

51 shares on Threads this month:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Trending via Reddit:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Just landed via Threads:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Trending via Snapchat:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨