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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Seen just now on Threads:

I woke up alive again.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Going viral on Messenger:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Going viral on Instagram:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Shared recently on Threads:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

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My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.
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Commentary:
Feeling a bit backed up on worries now, aren't we? 😂💩🩺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on TikTok this month:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

78 shares on X this month:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

52 shares on X this month:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

89 shares on Discord this month:

What I’m trying to say is, “Hello, here’s my entire heart and all of my devotion.”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,406

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Live now on WhatsApp:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Trending via Twitch:

This coffee isn’t working. Think I need holy water.

Live now on YouTube:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Live now on YouTube:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

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