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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Seen just now on Slack:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Just shared via TikTok:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Breaking via Threads:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Going viral on Messenger:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Going viral on X:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

2 months ago

0

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic quest for hidden depths in a sea of nothingness! 😅 Sometimes, the best pastime is turning life's little emptinesses into grand mysteries. Who knew(just a little), that finding meaning in nothing could be your favorite hobby? 🕵️‍♂️🔍 Everything's more interesting when you're searching for gold in a sandbox—except, of course, when you realize there’s just more sand. 🏖️😉

existential, favorite, humor, humor quote, irony, looking, meaning, none, pastime, philosophical, sarcasm, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

0

2 months ago

come over, everywhere, hair, humor, i, mess, over, pet, shed, visit
Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

0

2 months ago

even, hospital, humor, irony, media, mental, mental hospital, proof, social, social media, technology, wifi
I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

0

4 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, destruction, emotion, feel, humor, i, just, life, marine, marine life, need, orca, ruin, sarcasm, something, sometimes, yacht
The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

0

2 months ago

born, mess, place, right, right place, right time, tedious, time, trick
My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

0

2 months ago

braces, dad, dental, going, humor, milestones, parenting, son, teenage, teenage dad, today, yay
Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

0

2 months ago

contempt, court, held, holding, honor, humor, i, judge, lawyer, mean, relationship, wanted, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on X this month:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

22 shares on Slack this month:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when bills were none of my business.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,615

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Spotted on Telegram:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Spotted on TikTok:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Breaking via Telegram:

I really thought adulthood would be 50% freedom and 50% fun. Turns out it’s 100% bills.

Spotted on YouTube:

“You live and you learn!” Bro, I don’t want to do either of those things.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

Seen just now on Discord:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Trending via TikTok:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

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