Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,296

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Just shared via TikTok:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Making waves on X:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Breaking via Twitch:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Just shared via Messenger:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Just shared via TikTok:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Going viral on Reddit:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a built-in font package! 🖊️✨ Mood-text alignment: unlocked! 😄

depends, different, five, font, fonts, got, handwriting, mood, pen, style, using, writing, writing style

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

0

2 months ago

Earth, humor, inheriting, irony, know, meek, question, today
Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

0

2 months ago

activity, aliens, basket, creativity, fellas, friendship, fun, fun activity, gift, gift basket, humor, making, me, welcome, welcome gift
We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

0

3 months ago

AI, AI bot, alive, bot, bots, country, drinking, drinking water, dumbest, entertain, entertainment, high-speed, high-speed rail, humor, infrastructure, people, porn, rail, satire, steal, technology, theft, water, water theft
Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

0

2 months ago

behavior, expectations, fairness, irony, people, relationships, treat, upset
Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

0

2 months ago

advice, disappointment, encouragement, give, going, humor, irony, keep, life, life advice, motivation, persistence, still, waiting
Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

0

2 months ago

humor, i, misunderstanding, murder, smother, still, thought, time, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m sick of living through history!

68 shares on X this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

71 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Making waves on TikTok:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Going viral on Reddit:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Making waves on Messenger:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Trending via Twitch:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨