Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Just shared via Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Spotted on Messenger:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm not paranoid, the universe *is* out to get me! 🌌🔍😅

attack, every, humor, inconvenience, me, personal, personal attack, self-awareness, thinking, toxic, toxic trait, trait, universe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

0

2 months ago

Andre, giant, humor, i, just, nickname, observation, own, self-identification, think, wit
Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

0

2 months ago

changing, dollar, Dollar Tree, due, fiddy, humor, inflation, money, name, price, prices, retail, rising, rising price, shopping, tree, Tree Fiddy
I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

0

2 months ago

advice, bossy, confidence, doing, exactly, humor, i, just, know, leadership
Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

0

5 months ago

40, age, age range, app, dating, dating app, drinking, fight, fighting, grape, humor, over, range, set, while, wine
Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

0

2 months ago

demi, Demi Lovato, humor, joke, lovato, love, potato, short, wordplay
Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

0

2 months ago

aggression, coffee, drinking, frowned, frustration, head, hitting, humor, over, people, sarcasm, shovel, upon, violence

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

79 shares on Discord this month:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

69 shares on Discord this month:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Just shared via Facebook:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Just landed via Facebook:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Going viral on TikTok:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Just shared via Reddit:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Making waves on Instagram:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Trending via Facebook:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨